This was reviewed as part of the Final Girl Film Club
A group of knights led by King Richard in 1186 A.D. open the film with their discovery of a hidden temple somewhere in Israel, whereupon they find a demonic man preparing a Satanic sacrifice of an infant with a large scepter. The knights manage to intervene, shatter the scepter and imprison the demon in a sealed tomb. Hundreds of years later in 1951, two morons stumble upon the temple and open up the tomb in hopes of finding some rich stuff (as the Goonies would so elegantly put it), only to get themselves killed and release the demon upon the world once again.
Finally, the film picks up in Chicago circa 1994, introducing us to two cops working the beat; Shatter (Chuck Norris) and Jackson (Calvin Levels). Their job consists of the usual good cop/bad cop routine as they crack down on typical street scum. Nothing out of the ordinary...until a hooker falls out a window and lands smack dab on the hood of their police car.
Upon entry of the apartment where the body fell from, Sergeant Shatter gets into a scuffle with a shadow-cloaked man and shoots him a few times, all to no avail, before he mysteriously disappears into the night. Further investigation of the apartment reveals a heartless corpse and a strange artifact which they soon learn, with the help of "sexy" antiquarian, is one of the nine parts of the shattered scepter that belonged to the mythological demon, Prosatanos. As they continue to follow the string of evidence to Israel and things become increasingly weird, the two cops begin to suspect that this demon may not actually be a myth after all.
Now I'm kind of wondering why I'm even bothering to continue writing, as I'm sure the above synopsis is really all you need. Not only does it feature Chuck Norris, his mullet and demonic forces — it features Chuck Norris and his mullet as a character named Sergeant Shatter getting pitted against said demonic forces. One would not be at fault, at this point, for making the assumption that this might be the greatest film—nay, greatest anything—in the history of the world. But unfortunately, and ironically, Hellbound lacks any real punch to make it so.
I'm not entirely sure what this film was going for, as it shares themes from various genres and results in a somewhat muddled mess. Mostly following the outline of a Buddy Cop film, Hellbound is home to pretty much every cliche of the genre. Shatter is the tough, kick-ass but charming sergeant and Jackson is nothing but a Token Black Guy. The two bicker back and forth like an old married couple and constantly play off each other with their conflicting personalities in an attempt to lighten the film with humor, but it never quite works. It seems Jackson is there for the sole purpose of being black, hip and funny, and it's just embarrassing. Once the two cops get to Israel, they even add in a mischievous, silly child as yet another source of comic relief and it's all so very 90's in the corniest way possible that it actually starts to feel like a kids movie at times.
The rest of the genre attempts have very little effort put into them and feel like missed opportunities. You'd think that the villain being an actual demon would result in...you know...horror. But other than the actor (Christopher Neame) having a fairly creepy glare in his eye, he doesn't do much damage and has an unintentionally funny over-the-top laugh and deep voice and I just couldn't buy into it. Even the two cops don't seem to take him very seriously as they don't appear to be phased in the least bit when they eventually realize they're dealing with a demon. Being shocked would probably be the appropriate reaction here, but then again, it is Chuck Norris we're talking about, so maybe not.
The most surprising thing about Hellbound, however, is that the action, too, is totally wasted. A movie of this nature starring Chuck Norris should have been filled to the brim with action sequences, but no such luck. Neither the cops, nor the demon seem all that competent at what they do and it takes quite awhile for any progress to be made. It takes forever for the cops to follow the clues and realize what's really happening and the demon takes even longer to find all the missing pieces of his shattered scepter, even though he has the ability to teleport and it's been 43 years since he was released from his prison. Once it draws to it's conclusion, even the big finale is shamefully short and not very big.
Despite the fact that it never truly works as a comedy, action or horror film, I must admit I was mostly amused by Hellbound. Lingering somewhere in between those genres in a state of corny limbo, there's certainly enjoyment to be had for those who can appreciate the value of a bad movie. Hellbound is a silly, inoffensive film that can work as a fun time-passer if you're in the right mood.
Now I'm kind of wondering why I'm even bothering to continue writing, as I'm sure the above synopsis is really all you need. Not only does it feature Chuck Norris, his mullet and demonic forces — it features Chuck Norris and his mullet as a character named Sergeant Shatter getting pitted against said demonic forces. One would not be at fault, at this point, for making the assumption that this might be the greatest film—nay, greatest anything—in the history of the world. But unfortunately, and ironically, Hellbound lacks any real punch to make it so.
I'm not entirely sure what this film was going for, as it shares themes from various genres and results in a somewhat muddled mess. Mostly following the outline of a Buddy Cop film, Hellbound is home to pretty much every cliche of the genre. Shatter is the tough, kick-ass but charming sergeant and Jackson is nothing but a Token Black Guy. The two bicker back and forth like an old married couple and constantly play off each other with their conflicting personalities in an attempt to lighten the film with humor, but it never quite works. It seems Jackson is there for the sole purpose of being black, hip and funny, and it's just embarrassing. Once the two cops get to Israel, they even add in a mischievous, silly child as yet another source of comic relief and it's all so very 90's in the corniest way possible that it actually starts to feel like a kids movie at times.
The rest of the genre attempts have very little effort put into them and feel like missed opportunities. You'd think that the villain being an actual demon would result in...you know...horror. But other than the actor (Christopher Neame) having a fairly creepy glare in his eye, he doesn't do much damage and has an unintentionally funny over-the-top laugh and deep voice and I just couldn't buy into it. Even the two cops don't seem to take him very seriously as they don't appear to be phased in the least bit when they eventually realize they're dealing with a demon. Being shocked would probably be the appropriate reaction here, but then again, it is Chuck Norris we're talking about, so maybe not.
The most surprising thing about Hellbound, however, is that the action, too, is totally wasted. A movie of this nature starring Chuck Norris should have been filled to the brim with action sequences, but no such luck. Neither the cops, nor the demon seem all that competent at what they do and it takes quite awhile for any progress to be made. It takes forever for the cops to follow the clues and realize what's really happening and the demon takes even longer to find all the missing pieces of his shattered scepter, even though he has the ability to teleport and it's been 43 years since he was released from his prison. Once it draws to it's conclusion, even the big finale is shamefully short and not very big.
Despite the fact that it never truly works as a comedy, action or horror film, I must admit I was mostly amused by Hellbound. Lingering somewhere in between those genres in a state of corny limbo, there's certainly enjoyment to be had for those who can appreciate the value of a bad movie. Hellbound is a silly, inoffensive film that can work as a fun time-passer if you're in the right mood.
RATING:
