General Cleaning

Nobody's Girl.
I am .. as nobody owns me now, neither do i own anyone, i am free, and i choose to be like this until the right time comes or until the right person comes. I won't look around, i will only go forward, for ward, forward, no more side steps, no more turns, no stepping backs ..
Hope lost me, so i let go of hope .. But i am filled with something different hope cant even outwin. This time i'll let God work for me .. I have a strong desire to forgive, forget and wish for an ideal relationship with everyone, even with them who left me, even with him who hurt me.. I can only see the best things now.. Funny, last night was very short for me to realize that everything has no sense at all when it took me two years (or more) to hold back ..
From now on, I'll be stepping out of his shadow, and let me begin by cleaning the clutter here in my blog, Neil needless to say i should remove our pics because i have already done that a few hours ago.. Ive returned his password to his friendster account, i've returned the key to the apartment, i've erased his number from my celphone, his email from my YM, his and his family's contacts from my Chikka, i've deleted his character in Aruarose, i've done all the possible way to completely erase him from my present life..
I'm trying to live out of his shadows now.. or even before since i left elbi, but only recently i found the courage to leap longer not just merely step forward.
I know i can't be wrong doing this.. how can i be? When it feels just so so so Right !

I Should Love Myself (daw ..)

Once alone in Ayala Ave, Ive met a long lost schoolmate .. I'd be honest, i was surprised because he was totally different from how he was when we were just "kids" .. It was a short five minutes, we were both waiting for a cab, him going to Market Market, and me off to Pacific Star.. I was more surprised when he mentioned, having felt sorry for me.. i would not be able to guess why, but he mentioned that he sort of read some from my friendster profile, some from my friendster blog and some from here .. I was flattered lol.. and even at a short five minutes time we touched so much things, considering we haven't seen each other in the last 15 yrs. He was so different from the way he was before. And in amazement i just stare. It was an extremely nice change. Before I hailed the cab approaching, he took my celphone from my hands and typed his number quickly, made a short call to his own cel to get my contact details, gave me a quick kiss on my cheek and said he'll see me some other time. I never said yes nor affirmed nor refuse, I just smiled..
As i was near the corner of Buendia, i received a msg from him.. "Love Yourself More.. You are one lovely creature to be living with a broken heart.."
And as i get off the cab infront BPI Buendia, i realized, Yeah .. if i cant find love, well then I'll let Love find me..

Emptiness , All There Is

Y__Y
I Don't Know..
Maybe Im just really the emotional type, considering what im going through. This is the first time in 8 years that i will be celebrating Valentines day without somebody. LOL, do i even need to celebrate it?.. My friends say it doesn't matter, not even half of the world enjoys the day, and im part of more than the other half, therefore i may not have somebody, but, i have everyone. LOL whatta consolation..
Honestly, even in the last 8 years, I never remembered spending Valentines day with a Bang.. Talking about luck.. Never had that in my past relationship. Not even a memorable heart warming and feet sweeping Valentines day, what a misfortune.
February 14, fast approaching now, i feel so empty, but i know that deep inside i am extremely lonely. And i know its very shallow, but as each day pass by, i'm getting more and more stressed and i know its showing, i am very irritable now and my patience is down low, im getting tired at simple things , i cant sleep and i feel very sick. Maybe, I am in denial, just trying to be happy when i am truly not, or maybe im trying to cling to the past i am used to, even if i know there wasn't a blissful moment to recall.
Im tired of fearing the holidays, im tired of feeling empty, im so so so tired of being lonely..